Monday, November 1, 2010

When the cloud remained...

I've been in quite a funk lately.  My heart has been so heavy for orphans, broken to the point of tears on many occasions.  My heart aches.  I want to be doing and going and helping.  I've been CRYING out to God to move in our situation.  To sell our home and let us live debt free and free to go where He calls us.    (I never thought selling the house would NOT be His plan.  How can being debt free NOT be His plan?)  To release Ting Ting's paperwork so that we can bring her into our family as our daughter.  To show us a glimpse of His plans for us (a neon sign would be better....LOL).

Nothing.  Silence.  UGH!  Oh how hard it is has been to pour out my heart to God and hear silence.  (Hard to admit too....)  Ask and you shall receive?   I've been crying out and begging and pleading for an answer, any answer.  I've been asking and haven't been receiving.  Until this morning.

Again this morning I poured out my heart and opened my devotional Streams in the Desert.....

When the cloud remained...the Israelites...did not set out. (Numbers 9:19)

This was the supreme test of obedience. It was comparatively easy to strike tents, when the fleecy folds of the cloud were slowly gathering from off the Tabernacle, and it floated majestically before the host. Change is always delightful; and there was excitement and interest in the route, the scenery, and the locality of the next halting-place. But, ah, the tarrying.

Yet having to wait was another story altogether...

When God sends no answer and "the cloud remains" we must wait.  Yet we can do so with the full assurance of God's provision of manna, water from the rock, shelter, and protection from our enemies.  He never keeps us at our post without assuring us of His presence or sending us daily supplies.  

.....You must wait where you are until the cloud clearly begins to move.


I decided to read Numbers 9:19 for myself.  The study at the bottom convicted me:
You are somewhere right now. Instead of praying "God, what do you want me to do next?" ask, "God, what do you want me to do while I'm right here?"  Direction from God is not just for your next big move.  He has a purpose in placing you where you are right now.  Begin to understand God's purpose for your life by discovering what He wants you to do now.


Ouch!  I have been so focused on "what's next?" that I haven't asked "what now?"  What have I missed in the now?  

All this sounds so neat and tidy.  Please don't be mislead.  It's been hard and messy!  (Can anyone recommend a good waterproof mascara?)  And I know I'm not there yet.  This will be a difficult season.  I tend to be a "git r done" kind of gal.  I can make a lot happen in my strength.  I don't want to do things in my strength anymore, but change is hard.  Waiting as obedience?  He sure cuts to the chase, doesn't He?  

Does this change my hearts desires?  No.  I still want and dream of going and caring for the world's orphans.  I still dream of somehow living in China one day.  But for now, I will try to learn how to wait until the cloud moves.  I will try to use my talents right here where I am.  Hard stuff...prayers appreciated!




4 comments:

Sharing Life and Love said...

Lots of prayers for you right now. ...XO

Lynnea said...

Wow...I could have written that post (about wanting to DO more, moving to China, etc!) But something God has been nudging me on lately is to ENJOY the season and day that I have been given...not be thinking about tomorrow...our trip to Ava Mei will come when it is time but I'm to enjoy this time I have with Lena and not wish the days away....

We also know the pain and ache to wait for a little ones file to get up to the CCAA....and ours didn't end the way we "planned" but it ended the way HE wanted it to...His thoughts are not our thoughts, His ways not our ways. But it all worked for the good.

I will be praying and thinking of you and thanks for sharing your heart today! Blessings, Lynnea :)

Beach Mama said...

I so-o-o needed to read your post today. It sounds as though I could write it. I feel like I am in such a holding pattern. Thank you for sharing your heart, and mine:)

Jocelyn-Chris said...

Wonderful thoughts, Charlene. Thanks for sharing the words He has placed on your heart. I needed that encouragement, too.