Life is precious

We had a scary reminder of this last week. One I hope I NEVER have to experience again.

We almost lost Shuangshuang last Tuesday night. We were at the ballpark watching practice. Troy had just gotten there, the girls and I were getting ready to come home. He kissed the girls when he got there, then we briefly talked about dinner, literally under 2 minutes. Shaoey said something about SS being on her. I walked around to see. Shuangshuang was laying across Shaoey's lap not moving. Her eyes were open, fixed into space and empty, and she wasn't breathing. She was completely blue. I grabbed her up and handed her to Troy who dislodged some of her snack using his finger in her mouth and then by hitting her back with her hanging upside down and doing abdominal thrusts. I could barely see around his shoulder, but what I could see was terrifying. He had layed her down on the grass and even though she was now breathing she still wasn't moving or making a sound--just staring off into space. By this time 911 had been called and we had quite a crowd. She was alive but was VERY lethargic. By the time the ambulance got there, she was able to name us and say a couple of boo yows (no in Chinese), but she was very sleepy. Her O2 was fine so we brought her home and watched her all evening. I let the girls take an hour + bath because she was staying awake for it (and that made me feel better!). We put her down to bed and I was terrified. I wanted to hold her all night and never let her go.

Our God is an awesome God. He brought her back from death. It truly was a miracle. How many times do our kids fuss and we say work it out? If I had said that to Shaoey....I can't go there. All the what ifs--what if Troy had been 5 minutes later, what if he hadn't decided to relieve me, what if Shaoey hadn't complained... I cannot tell you the image I have burned into my mind right now. My baby laying there, gone.

But with God there are no what ifs. He knew. I pray that I have given Him the glory that He deserves. It was kind of cool to be able to share the story at the baseball park the next night (yes, we were back there the next night!) of how thankful we are to God and that He is an AWESOME God who cares about us and is in control. It has even opened interesting avenues of conversation with aquaintances, one who really suprised me by saying he couldn't imagine God bringing her all the way from China just to let her die. Not sure about that, but it was an interesting conversation on his faith! Praise God for opening doors!

I have to say it has changed my attitude. He got my attention! All those little frustrating things seem to be so petty now. When I go to fuss about her whining, I am stopped by the realization that she almost wasn't here to whine. Talk about stopping you in your tracks. Children are such a blessing and a joy. Have you hugged your blessings today?

And wouldn't you know it? In God's amazing sense of timing, I woke up Wednesday morning to a Proverbs31 devotion titled "In God's Hands."

To God be the all the glory!

Princess Shuangshuang

Princess Shuangshuang and Princess Shaoey

How fast we forget lessons...

And I'm not talking about homeschool lessons.

My husband and I have a standing disagreement about every 4-5 months. Basically it boils down to he wants me to exercise so that we can be together for longer. Of course, I don't want to, exercise that is! I have never enjoyed it. I know intellectually that I need it. I know that it's good for me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I just don't like it.

I was talking to my dear spiritual friend and mentor this morning and she really spoke some hard truth into my life. She reminded me that God commands me to be in submission to my husband; not just in the things I want to be in submission to him for, but in all things. Yes, this includes exercise. When I am not in submission, I am in sin and this results in static in my relationship with God. Wow! I honestly never thought of that! To the best of my ability, I need to be in submission to him. Why have I not been submissive in this area? Well, that would be another sin. I was being rebellious, pure and simple. I wanted unconditional love from my husband, whether I exercised or not. I felt like I shouldn't have to exercise to get his "unconditional love." Guess what? I will never get unconditional love from another human! There is only one person who can fill that hole in my heart--GOD! I was asking my husband to do something he is not designed to do.

You'd think that haven gotten this lesson this morning that I would be on guard. Nope! This evening, I was out grocery shopping and got several calls from my husband. Apparently the princess was very tired and falling asleep. She would NOT let daddy brush her teeth, no way, now how! I come home and the saga was continuing. So, I go and get her off the sofa, brush her teeth, try to get her to potty, and try to put her to bed. No luck. By this time, she is wide awake, albeit GRUMPY! So of course, Mama is grumpy. In my mind (and I'm sure on my face), I am feeling and thinking not so nice thoughts. "Did we really have to brush her teeth tonight?" "Do we really wake a sleeping 3 year old?" "I could be sitting down with a book right now instead of cleaning up his messy situation again!" "It's easy for him to say wake her and brush her teeth. He won't have to deal with an angry princess!" (She won't let him, but that's another story.)

My other first thoughts were, "I'm going to email my ChattyGirls and see what THEY think! I'm sure they'll agree with me!" Then after a few minutes of thinking this, I felt a nudge in my heart. I wasn't being submissive to my husband. If he wants her teeth brushed, then it is my job to respectfully and joyfully brush her teeth. So instead of emailing my CGG (sorry, girls), I decided to share MY lesson from today with you. In what area is God calling you to be submissive to your husband? I pray that this lesson blesses you like I think it will.

Hmmm, maybe I didn't completely forget my lesson today afterall. Now it's time to go apologize to my husband....

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." Ephesians 5:22 NIV

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear

I've been having trouble feeling like I was stuck in neutral. The day in, day out grind of kids, cooking, cleaning, clothes, and chaos. Kind of like the movie "Groundhog Day."

This morning's devotion from Daily Focus (Alpha Omega) hit the nail on the head. I am waiting for something BIG to happen in our life (literally) and I am not fully living here...in the miracle of the moment. I am here physically, but my mind and heart are elsewhere. This devotion reminded me to be present. I am a child of God, a wife, a mom, and a teacher and I wasn't giving any of those jobs my present attention. I know I'm onto a life lesson, because a friend called shortly after I read the devotion this morning and when she heard how frazzled I was she offered to pray for me. God directed her into the very core of my heart. She zeroed in on this issue of mine and prayed for me to be present, to not keep looking ahead to "the" day, but to live for now. She nailed it.

THEN, I get in the car and I have a picture of a little girl that we sponsor at PHF on my dashboard. As I went to back out, I saw the reflection of that picture in my driver side mirror. That has never happened before, nor could I make it happen again (I tried and I watched for it as I drove around town today-nope!). What word's did God use in the devotion to reach the writer? Yup, "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear."

THEN, as I was driving to BLR with our 3 kids, I started to have a pity party that went something like this "I'm always the one to tata everyone when things go wrong, when you lose something, or break something, or you get hurt. Well, who's there to tata me??? huh?" (sound familiar?) My brave 11 year old quietly pipes up, almost in a whisper, "God..." He goes on to ask if I've prayed about it. He said "just close your eyes and pray sincerely to God in your heart." OUCH! He was right. My time with God has been dry. I'm there reading my chapter of the old testament, a psalm, and a chapter of the new testament, day in, day out. But my actual time with Him is weak.

Things will not always be this way. We need to take each moment as it is...a miracle from God and live it to it's fullest.

So my quest is to nourish my time with God, I need to be present with Him as well.

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

Good Mom, Bad Mom, Good Mom

I received the most appropriately timed blog in my inbox this morning. It was from Proverbs31
(http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/)

Good Mom, Bad Mom, Good Mom
by Lysa TerKeurst

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26 (NIV)

Good Mom?

Bad Mom?

Good Mom?

Bad Mom?

Do you ever feel as though you are the ping-pong ball in a heated match bouncing constantly between feeling like a good mom to a bad mom?

One minute I have a great discussion where my child finally gets it... GOOD MOM!

The next I get an e-mail from a teacher that lists the three parents who have yet to turn in that permission slip and I am on the list for all the world to see... BAD MOM!

I calmly handle the stresses of the morning routine... GOOD MOM!

But then during the afternoon homework session, my child's irresponsibility over a last minute project just about sends me over the edge. I find my neck muscles tensing and my voice rising... BAD MOM!

I make sure they pack something healthy for lunch... GOOD MOM!

The schedule falls apart in the late afternoon and I wind up feeding them sugar cereal for dinner... BAD MOM!

Sometimes I feel like that ping-pong ball mom bouncing from feeling good to bad. Yesterday morning I sat down at the kitchen table after getting everyone where they needed to be and cried. Sometimes having kids is the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. Other days I feel like the task of parenting little people is driving me to the brink of craziness.

Just the other day I was processing some recent family things with my friend, Renee, over the phone. Suddenly a strange theme seemed to arise. I just started laughing. I told Renee that so many of my days seemed to tell the same kind of story... I was on the verge of a breakdown and then I spent time with Jesus and He made things better.

Renee quipped back to me, "Well, isn't that where most of us live every day?"

Not that we are on the edge of a breakdown, but we live in a place of utter dependence on God. I know as a mom, I live in constant need of His love, encouragement, wisdom, perspective, strength, patience, and grace.

Anything I do right as a mom is because of my constant dialogs with God.

Anything I do wrong as a mom is because of trying to do things in my own strength and slap wearing myself out.

That's where grace steps in. And I need lots of grace. God's grace steps in and says, “Lysa, you are doing better than you think. Stop bouncing from feeling good to bad to good to bad. In the good times, rejoice and thank me. In the not so good times, call out to me quickly."

And suddenly it occurred to me; with God I'm never a bad mom. I might be having a bad moment... or two... or seventeen. But a few bad moments do not define me as a bad mom.

God's grace is there to cover me. Teach me. And even in the middle of a bad moment, interrupt me, redirect me, and change me.

Forgiveness is there.

Love is there.

A second chance is there.

You are a good mom my friend even if, like me, you’ve had a few bad moments... you are the exact mom God knew your children needed. Let's live in that truth today.


Dear Lord, being a mom is a great privilege but one that can be so challenging at times. Teach me how to lean on You with every action and every reaction. And when I mess up, please help me to not define myself by my mommy failures. Help me to only be defined by Your love that assures me and Your grace that covers me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Application Steps:
Find a verse today that could help redirect an angry or frustrated response with your kids. There are some good ones listed below in the power verses. Or you can search out one that specifically applies to your unique struggles. When you feel your temper about to flare, have this verse handy and quote it out loud. In that moment ask God to give you a wiser response than your natural feelings.

Reflections:
Do you ever struggle with being defined by your mistakes rather than by the truth of God? Spend some time in prayer today asking God to give you His loving perspective of how He sees you. Rest in his lavish love. If you need to ask for forgiveness for some of your actions, do this and then let these things go.

Power Verses:
Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (NIV)

James 1:5-6, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” (NIV- emphasis mine)

© 2008 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Two days ago, my oldest son and I butted heads. It rapidly spiralled downward. It was not pretty. Lots of screaming and crying, DS too... ;-) We both said things we regretted. We made up before bed and all was good, but there was still the guilt over it happening. I was the mom, how could I let it go there?

Compare that with today... We got up, opened all the sunroom windows, felt the gloriously cool morning, and had an EXTENDED time of bible reading. What started out at doing our 24 Family Ways, turned into almost an hour of time discussing obedience of people in the bible and what happened if they didn't obey and what about God's forgiveness and restoration? Which led to why did God have so many "laws" then and not now (answer--JESUS!!!). We finished our schoolwork before lunch and even had time to go sit by the playset in it's new spot while I read a couple of chapters from Alice in Wonderland (we're studying Lewis Carroll this 6 weeks!). Are you getting the picture here? Bad Mom, Good Mom?

I needed to hear the truth of this devotion today and so do you!

You are a good mom, my friend, even if, like me, you’ve had a few bad moments... you are the EXACT mom God knew your children needed. Think about that, let it sink in. Let's live in that truth today.

PRAISE GOD!!

Why did it take me 3 years to think of moving it here? It is an awesome spot!