Kids are suppose to feel pain!

(warning--graphic photo of her incisions farther down this post)

TingTing had 7 or so vials of blood drawn, then she had to do her pulmonary function test.  Part of that included an arterial blood gas baseline.  This involved the technician drawing blood from the artery in her wrist.  She spent about 3 minutes trying to get hit the artery on Ting's left wrist.  When that didn't work, she moved to the right wrist.  After a couple minutes, she hit it.  

TingTing did not cry, did not squirm, and did not need me to hold her AT ALL.  She sat there with her arm out.  Just sat there.

She didn't cry or fuss in the hospital. 

Today is day 4 post op and she only took 5 cc of Lortab at bedtime tonight. And she didn't really ask for it, just a simple statement that her back hurt just a little so I gave her a low dose to make sure she could sleep.

Think for a moment if your child had these things done.  Do you think he/she would cry? Need you to hold them down to get bloodwork? Lay there and let them cath her with no sound or movement and no one holding her down?

If so, why is it so brave of TingTing to not need someone?

The number of times we heard how brave she was, how tough she was, what a big girl she was...

She's not, well she may be, but more than likely this is due to 2 things:

1.  A learned response--It's not unusual for orphans to learn early on that it doesn't matter.  Crying doesn't elicit the response God created it to get.  Hey, I need someone.  No one comes.  They learn it's a waste of effort to cry.  It won't matter.

2.  It is also related to Sensory Integration Disorder (SID).  Some individuals don't register sensory input in a neurotypical fashion.  Some are hypersensitive to sensory input (loud noises, bright lights, touch, pain... send them into a tizzy).  Others are hyposensitive--they need more intense input to register what a neurotypical person registers with normal input.  This would include pain.   We did a neuro-reorganization evaluation the week before surgery and the therapist noted that she seems to have rather low response to pain.  This also shows up in being able to empathize with others.  Example when a cat has gone missing or we find a chicken dead, she smiles and laughs, and wants to keep talking about it all day.  If she can't feel pain, she can't empathize and respond appropriately.  If it doesn't hurt her, it doesn't hurt anyone.

So... all that to say.  Kids are suppose to feel pain.  It's not "normal" for them not to.   I feel God gave us pain to protect us from more serious damage.  We need to feel pain.

We've got occupational therapy, speech/language therapy, and our newest addition neuro-reorganization therapy going on to help TingTing become better regulated and function at her best.

There's so much more I want to share about TingTing, but I need to figure out how much to tell and what.... (I'd love advice on how you know how much to share about your child's issues and needs.)

Oh yeah, here's the photos I warned about:

This spine X-ray was done in December.  It had gotten SIGNIFICANTLY worse since then.  It was about 40 or so degrees here.  The most recent one was about 65 degrees curvature. (The main curve, there was a secondary above it, but it was smaller.)

Spine x-ray the day after surgery.  They believe they got it down to about 30 degrees and the upper curve is starting to straighten itself.

Here's her incision sites on Friday morning before they discharged us.

Here's a video of TingTing walking today.  Her right shoulder is so much lower... and we're noticing the leg length difference more.  When she takes a step with her left leg, she lifts her body up to where her right foot almost doesn't touch the ground.  You can't see it as much in this video... I'll try to get better tomorrow.

Attachment issues...

I knew being gone this week would stir up attachment issues and it didn't fail to deliver.  Grace was rotten yesterday.  Just wild, disobedient, and downright annoying.  

At dinner I passed a comment to her that it seemed like she was trying to be disobedient in order to get me to go away to prove to something to herself.   After dinner we went have a pow-wow.  She started by telling me that what I said at dinner was right.  She said her heart felt like it was half and half.  She said (with adorable hand gestures), "This half loves you and this half wants to make you go away."  She said Satan was trying to get her to feel that I didn't love her.  She knew I loved her, but he was telling her I didn't.  I was so proud of her for putting her feelings into words and being able to talk about how to handle these feelings in the future, as it will happen again.  That she is in control of her feelings, that we have to go on what we know, not what we feel.  

Btw, this is a common adoption scenario (and NOT just international either!)...  Attachment is not an "is" or "isn't" issue--it is a sliding scale that is always adjusting and changing, which is why I try to have my radar up to watch for these issues and try to parent in view of attachment.  Often times these behaviors can fly just under the radar unless you know to look for it.  It would have been so easy to just chalk it up to hunger, being tired, any number of excuses.  

Christmas presents?--Shepherd's Field Children's Village--raising awareness and funds UPDATE

As most of you know, in addition to our 2 wonderful sons, Troy and I have 2 daughters from China. We are also hoping to adopt another little girl who is at Grace's orphanage. Adoption has changed and enriched our lives in so many ways. It has opened our eyes to see God's hand at work, truly shown us what God has done for us when He adopted us, blessed us with 2 amazing daughters who could only have been chosen by God.

But it has also opened our eyes and hearts to the plight of orphans and God's command to ALL Christians to care for them. For some this may mean adoption (which I would LOVE to discuss with you if you're feeling led); for some it may mean helping others to adopt--with financial support, a friend to lean on, cry with, and rejoice with; for others it may mean giving of ourselves with our time, prayers, and finances.

Our Grace was truly blessed to live at Shepherd's Field Children's Village. This was not her original orphanage. She was moved from her original orphanage when she was 2 months old. In God's wisdom, great blessing, and HUMOR (if you know Grace and how big she is for a 3 year old), the reason she was moved wasn't her missing arm--it was for "failure to thrive!"

SFCV is an orphanage dedicated to children with special needs and is run by Philip Hayden foundation, an American Christian foundation. SFCV is not only an orphanage, they are growing and expanding constantly. Check out http://chinaorphans.org/phfblog/ about-sfcv/ to see EVERYTHING they do for the orphans. SFCV is also in need of sponsors for the children. One way we are raising awareness for them is to sell jade bracelets. We are selling the bracelets for $7 each. ALL profits go to SFCV! I think these would make wonderful gifts at Christmas time. I always love gifts that keep on giving!

Bracelets are $7 each.  If you're interested in purchasing any bracelets, you can email me at troyandcharlene93 @ yahoo.com (take out spaces).

If you are interested in adoption, we have 2 blogs about our adoptions:
http://www.journeytoshaoey.com/
http://www.yourgraceisenough.com/.

And SFCV's site is www.ChinaOrphans.org

Picture 1: (SOLD OUT)

Picture 2: (1 left in brown)

Picture 3:

Picture 4:

Picture 5: (SOLD OUT)

Picture 6: (SOLD OUT)

Picture 7: (SOLD OUT)

Picture 8: (SOLD OUT)

Picture 9: (1 red and 1 dark green left)

Picture 10:

Picture 11: (SOLD OUT)

Picture 12:

Picture 13: (sold out of the one on the right)

Picture 14:

Picture 15:

Picture 16: (SOLD OUT)

Picture 17:

I sold out of quite a few, but I have more coming by either Tuesday or Wednesday of next week!

Then and now... 3 years later

On July 25, 2006, we saw the face of our sweet Xi Duo for the first time.  We had been logged in for a couple months and in June we had made the decision to switch to the Waiting Child program.  I remember our agency posting that they had received unexpected referrals.  Their post said that there were only 4 referrals and 100 families on the list and to not be surprised if you didn't get a call.  I remember standing in the kitchen visiting with my Aunt Rose when the phone rang.  I saw AWAA come up on caller ID and just thought there was a question about our special needs application.  Never in my WILDEST dreams did I think that would be THE day!  Allison asked how I was doing and we made a bit of small talk and then she popped the question--they had the file of a little girl andthey wanted to know if we were interested in seeing it...HER.  I was laughing and crying and beside myself with joy!  When I got off the phone with Allison  (saying yes we wanted to see her file!), I called Troy.  I was crying to the point that he thought something was wrong or someone had died!  

I was finally able to get it out that we had a daughter!!! 

 I emailed the file to his office manager's email and we both opened it.  

This is what we saw....

Our beautiful baby girl!  We just knew that she was ours.  

These pictures were taken in April of 2006, just 2 weeks after her lip repair  surgery.  

She was now just 2 weeks shy of her first birthday...

After what seemed like years, but was really 4 months, we held our girl for the first time.

Our first family of 5 photo!

And NOW--

Our beautiful,

sweet,

smart,

dramatic,

and silly~

Princess Shaoey!

We cannot imagine our life without her.  She has brought so much love, laughter, and joy into our lives.  She truly is our Xiduo~much happiness.  We praise God for bringing her into our lives and knowing what we need even when we don't know it ourselves.

Our "surprise referral girls"... Lucy, Shaoey, and AnnaClaire (the 4th one was a little boy who was adopted a few months after our girls)

If you're interested in finding out more about our journey of a lifetime to Shaoey, check out our adoption blog www.journeytoshaoey.com

Update on Kathy

Praise God from whom all blessings flow, a family just sent in their LOI (Letter of Intent) for her! Please continue to pray that they are accepted and can move forward in the process of bringing her home.

This precious little girl needs a family...

This is Kathy. She is a sweet 5 year old girl who lives at Philip Hayden Foundation (PHF). Our Grace was in the same house with her. Kathy has post operative heart disease, but still needs another surgery. Unfortunatley, she cannot get this surgery in China so she needs her family to find her as soon as possible. She is listed with Bay Area Adoption Agency (BAAS). The waiting child coordinator is Xiaoqing Cai (xqcai@comcast.net). She will gladly answer any and all questions about Kathy. Please let others know about her!

This is a picture of my husband holding Kathy when we were at PHF in December to adopt Grace. She loved to sit in our laps and was sweet and silly. She is delightful!

The BIG announcement!

I'm back! Sorry I've been MIA lately. We just got back from....... CHINA! We were adopting our second daughter!!!! I had reason to keep it under wraps before so that made it hard to post here without being able to talk about her. But now that we're home and the people that needed telling have been told, I don't have to keep it mum anymore! Shuangshuang (aka Grace) is the little girl all the way to the right on my header. She is an absolute doll.

Please stop by our adoption blog at www.yourgraceisenough.com to read all about our God story to her and our trip. Don't forget to sign our guestbook to let me know you stopped in.

Shaoey's 2nd Forever Family Day

2 years already!! I wrote about it on our adoption blog www.journeytoshaoey.com and uploaded some pictures, too!