A life lesson...

If Your Brother Sins Against You

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.  Matthew 18:15-17

Today's WWIII gave me a tangible way to show the children how the church is like a family and our family is like a church.  

As I talked to Shaoey and Grace about how we don't want this separation to be permanent, how we wanted it to bring about a change in Eliana, I found myself thinking of church discipline and family.  I had an aha moment of the similarities between church and family. 

Eliana sinned against the girls by continuing to wake them and bother them during sleep time and against us by disobeyed Troy and I.  The girls immediately would tell her to stop, that they didn't like being woken up by her. Shaoey and Grace came to us and we talked to her about it.  When she refused to listen (and change behavior), we had no choice but to remove her from the fellowship of the girls bedroom into a temporary bedroom.  

 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

I was able to talk to all the kids about how we handle conflict, how we strive for repentance and reconciliation.

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. Genesis 50:20

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Praise God for allowing His word to come to mind to use this ugly, uncomfortable situation this morning to teach our children and me a valuable lesson in what discipline looks like at home and at church.  

And a wonderful word of wisdom from a FB friend:

Sometimes being a good mother means feeling in the moment like worst mother in the world.

I know I needed to hear that this morning, maybe someone else probably does too.

God bless!

...For he gives to his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:2

Oh how I HATE to do this & it's not permanent, but Shaoey & Grace are SO tired of being woken up.  

It's time for Eliana to move to a separate bedroom.    

We have told her, fussed her, discussed it with her, but she just keeps waking them up.  She gives us the usual "I'm sorry" which we don't put much stock in.  This has gone on since coming home, actually even in China she was doing this.   

Examples:

Poking Shaoey to ask her what time it is.  (She has a watch and there's a clock in their bedroom, AND she knows how to tell time.)

Waking Shaoey up to ask where Grace is. (Like she'd know...she was ASLEEP!!)

Waking Shaoey by announcing that Grace is not in the room.  (Like she cared, she was ASLEEP!)

Going up to Grace's bed and lifting her blanket off her to see if she's in bed.

I GET the common thread, she wants to know sisters are in the room with her.  I KNOW she was kind of like little mama in her room at SFCV.  We have talked with her time and again that she does not have to have that role in our home, I am the mama.  It is not her place to keep tabs on the girls.  She has been warned that if it continues, she will be moved to another room for a while.  

Well, that time has come and it's not a time I relish.  I WANT them in the same room.  I think siblings sharing a room is a great bonding thing, a slumber party every night; they're the ones you whisper secrets to, share giggles with, fight with--ok, not the last one, but figuring out the ins and outs of living with someone is part of it.  Maybe that's why I feel like a failure on this one, but it's taking it's toll on their becoming sisters and friends.  Shaoey and Grace are frustrated at her from the moment they get up, because she woke them.  I need to break that cycle.  

Pray with me that this can be a short time of separation that will lead to a closer sister relationship.  

I'm also open to ideas....

SIgh....discouraged/update

While we were in Texas for Thanksgiving our amazing house/pet sitters texted me.  They woke to find (what we thought were) all the chickens dead.  Somehow three managed to escape and came home to roost in the following days.  We came home and fixed the fence.  On Monday, I purchased 6 more chickens from a local farm.  On Wednesday, I got a phone call from our neighbor across the street asking if our chickens were ok.  Hmmm, warning bells went off.  I hadn't been out yet, so I didn't know...  I walked out to find all but 2 dead and those 2 were suffering with huge gashes and broken legs.  My precious Jacob learned a huge lesson is being a man and an animal owner.  He had to make the decision (with my help) to put down the last 2 chickens.  I am proud of him, I know it was hard, but he manned up and did the hard thing.  I know his heart breaks.  

We know it's the german shepherds across the street.  No pics or anything, but the fur on the shredded fence, the pile of chicken feathers in front of their house, the fact that she called me because she knew her dogs had gotten out.  This isn't the first time. They killed our first batch of chicks.  We think they killed a couple others and we KNOW they killed Feather Legs (our partridge cochin).  We now suspect they may have killed the chickens over Thanksgiving.  Sigh....

Now we're left trying to decide what to do.  We really enjoy raising chickens. We love the eggs, love having a place to throw our food scraps instead of the garbage, and it's kind of relaxing having them in the yard.  Jacob and I would love to add a cow and a donkey.  The girls would love to add a horse.  Jacob and Grace and I are just worn down from having our hearts broken and I'm not sure how much more we can handle.  This (loss after loss) can't be the norm...can it?  At some point you wonder if God's trying to tell you something or prepare you for something or teach you something.  But what?  How can raising chickens and animals not be right?  Just trying to work out my thoughts....

Update--Troy spoke with our neighbor today and, with much angst, he told Troy that they had the dog put down.  While I am glad to tell my children that the dog won't bother any future chickens, it makes me sad for them.  We are impressed with their integrity and compassion.   Please pray for them to have peace in their decision, I know how difficult it must have been.  

Adoption training

Are you looking for a great resource to help you understand your new child?  Need Hague hours for your homestudy?  This is the best one that we have gone through:  Because They Waited.  I cannot say enough good things about them.  I love how they empower you as the parent to know what's best for your child.  They help you to meet your child where they are and work with them to heal.   

Visit with the Bakers

I posted our Thanksgiving post without putting in our photos from our visit with the Tim and Pam!  That was the reason we spent the night in San Antonio.  We met up with them at the Starbucks (while our tire was being fixed...) and got to spend time visiting and catching up.  I don't have a picture of the boys at the other end of the table, but I love how they just pick back up and can hang out together.

We also invited another friend to meet up with us as she knew both Grace and Eliana at SFCV.

 She's the woman in the photo with 2 of my girls!  Hi, Pamela!

Thanksgiving 2012

Whew, am I glad to be home!

We left last Tuesday evening and it started with a bang, literally.  We weren't an hour out of town when, flying along in the left lane and pulling a flatbed trailer, we had a tire blow.  Troy did a great job of getting us off the road.  After trying to change it on the side of interstate, Troy made the executive decision to ride the rim to the next exit.  An hour and a half later, we were on our way.   He drove all the way to San Antonio, we pulled in at 3 am.  

After a few hours sleep, we reloaded the van and headed to a local Starbucks to meet up with the Bakers.  We had a little exchange to make--a piece of their luggage that we brought back from China for some precious items, including this photo, that were with TingTing when she was found many years ago.

Thankfully there was a Firestone shop about half a mile from the coffee shop, so we had our tire replaced while we visited.  After our visit, we made the last 3 hours of our trip pretty uneventfully.  Over the next couple days, all the kids and baba went hunting while I held down the fort and cooked.  

For Thanksgiving, I fixed our first fresh turkey (from Gotreaux Family Farms).  I brined it using  this recipe from Pioneer Woman and it was AWESOME.  We also had mashed potatoes, cornbread stuffing, sweet potato casserole, green beans with onions, and dinner rolls.  Oh yeah, and pecan pie for dessert.  

 Connor and Jacob both killed bucks.  Troy took Eliana and Grace in the stand together because they aren't as serious about it as Shaoey...  Shaoey means business when she's in the stand.  She'll sit still and quiet for 3+ hours, never fussing or making noise.

These 2 are so funny!  This is how they were watching tv.  Doesn't Shaoey look like Elastigirl from The Incredibles?

A small portion of the ranch house we stay at every Thanksgiving

Eliana, Baba, & Grace

Shaoey and Baba
This girl is one serious hunter!

Connor

Jacob's 

We got to watch them bring the sheep into the paddock.

This little one just kept watching us.  So sweet!

It's so dry there wasn't even much of this pest this year.

This was WAY off in the pasture.  Mama was bringing the baby in but stopped when she saw us.  After I snapped this picture, she hid it from us with her body.  

We stayed until Sunday morning.  We were very thankful for an uneventful drive home.  Oh, I forgot, on the way home Troy stopped to tank up at a Buckee's--that was a first for us.  I had no idea what a big thing they were.  LOL  On hopping place...

Nesting...

and purging!

I am cleaning closets and simplifying again.  I thought I'd post some of the items I'm getting rid of on here in hopes that someone might want to buy them.  (I'm sorry I don't have pics listed.  My computer is in the shop and all the pics are on there. When I get it back I'll add pics.  If you're interested in something, I can take a pic with my phone and email it to you.)

Thirty-One stuff:
Storage Tote in PinDots--$20
Mirror compact $5 (brown)
Soft Wallet (new in package)--black parisian and brown quilted--$15 each
XXL Utility Tote Hostess Set--contains an XXL Utility tote (black),  XXL organizing tote set (1 black and 2 black parisian pop)--$50

Sony Handycam DCR-DVD403--normal wear and tear.  We've had it for about 6 or 7 years.  Still runs great.  Getting rid of it because the camcorder uses mini-dvds which aren't compatible with my Mac... otherwise I would be keeping it!  $150 

Dilani luggage purchased from Pearson Luggage--VERY good condition!
2 large rolling suitcase--20" wide x 13" deep x 28' tall: $45/each
1 medium rolling piece--16" wide x 7" deep x 27" tall: $40
1small rolling case--12" wide x 8" deep x 21" tall: $35
small backpack $25
cosmetic bag $20

I have 2 pink/purple Leapster2--$25 each Good condition (minor writing on the back of them where the girls wrote their names)
Game cartridges: Dora Camping Adventure, Ni Hao Kai-Lan, Pet pals, Diego Animal Rescuer, Finding Nemo, and Disney Princess--$10 each
2 pink/purple Leapster cases--one has a small flower on the back corner and the other has "I love you, mom" on the back... :-) $5 each (or $100 for all of it)

THANKS!

Mind games...

Do they ever stop?

I'll be honest, adopting Grace has been one of the most tiring things I've ever done.  The phrase two steps forward, 3 steps back comes to mind.  Thankfully it is mostly just one step back.    

We new before adopting her that she would be a more challenging child...  We heard how she would go with anyone and everyone, which sent up red flags in attachment.  Three years later I can see what tremendous strides we've made.  Praise God, her mama/baba shopping is drastically reduced!  She comes up to me and apologizes on her own.  She will lay on my lap an look up into my lap and my heart melts.  And best of all, I get to hear the most wonderful words from my girlie, "I love you, mama!"  

But the mind games continue.  This morning she was playing with some of Shaoey's horse figures.  When she didn't want to play with them anymore, she walked up to Shaoey and just threw the ones she didn't want down on the floor.  I stopped, reminded her of the way we treat our belongings, and offered a redo (Redo's are BIG here thanks to Karyn Purvis and The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family).  No problem.  She accepted them from me, went over and set them down except for the one she wanted to play with.  All fine and dandy.  Or was it?  Then she dropped the one she was holding.  I could just accept this as a drop, but I KNEW in my heart that it wasn't and needed to be addressed.  These are the mind games I'm talking about.  I'd love to just let it go, but it seems that children with attachment issues NEED you to deal with it.  Not dealing with it is seen as a sign of weakness.   I let her know that I knew she hadn't "dropped" it, no arguing from her side.  You could see on her face that she knew she was busted.  A few minutes later, she was carrying 2 plates and a fork and I heard a clatter.  She piped up with "mama, it was an accident, I really didn't drop this one on purpose."  Bingo, I knew I was right the first time!  LOL

I know this doesn't sound like much, but it's just one example.  There are many more.  The constant vigilance is just tiring.  Passive aggressive just doesn't go over well here....

Adoption friends, any other pointers?

Thought you'd enjoy a few cute precious pictures!

One of our morning rituals is that we feed the girls a sippy cup of coffee milk.  It's such a great time of bonding.  (Normally another child isn't allowed on our lap at the same time, it was just too great a photo op to pass up.)

The girls' room

Wow, this room had taken a beating from housing boys for 7 years....

(ignore the mess, they were in the middle of moving...  

Oh wait...it was ALWAYS like that!  This is much neater!  LOL)

and here it is now...almost.  

Grace and Shaoey's beds

Ting Ting's bed

 I had to paint the girls' beds to work in the new room.

The black was so pretty with the other decor, but not such a good match with the brown bedding.

Ta da!  Here it is.  So much nicer in this room.

 This is what I meant by "almost" above.  I'm still working on the beds.  Shaoey thought it was SO high, kind of funny since it's only been 4 nights since she slept on in when it was black.  She swears it"s higher....

I can't wait to have all my girlies in the room!   We think we're about 8 weeks away from travel!!!

And her name is..............

First I have to give you some background...
(no skipping to the bottom!)

We have been going in circles trying to choose a name.  We had narrowed it down to about 3 (which kept changing) and were split even on those.  We received our Letter of Intent (aka Letter Seeking Confirmation) this week which has put me in a tizzy filling out another round of paperwork.  Several of the pieces in the pile ask for your child's English name, so we were really down to the wire.  I have SCOURED name lists over and over.  I am dizzy from the constant scrolling of the screen.  I'd like some.  Troy'd like some.  The kids would like some.  BUT they were never the same some!   The family is so tired of me saying "Hey, how about this one?" They are totally over being polled on their favorite.

I have been praying for God to make her name known to me.  None of the names on the list were bad.  I liked most of them just fine, but none jumped out at me as belonging to our Tinging.  I've been getting a sense for a certain name, but was afraid to tell Troy because I was sure he would say "No way, no how!"  So when he'd asked me, I kept saying I didn't have one that stood out, but that wasn't true.  There was one...  

So tonight, I mustered up all the courage I could find and told him the name and the meaning.  Imagine my surprise, no...utter shock, when he said yes!  I asked him over and over and over if he was sure and he still said yes.  I asked if he was ok saying this name for years.  (Yes)  I asked if he was just trying to get me to stop drilling him on names.  (He says no...LOL).

Immediately after he walked away, I noticed my inbox had a number of notices about a FB post I was tagged in.  I went over to read it and about fell over.  It was from someone who is with our daughter in China.  She said she thinks the kids think she can find them families on the computer.  This morning TingTing asked her if she had found one for her.  I can't even type that without bursting into tears.

Did you get that?  At the same time that I was telling Troy the meaning of the name He had  given me for our little girl, on the other side of the world, that little girl was asking my friend if she had found a family for her!

Baby girl, my God answers our prayers!  He has answered 3 1/2 years of prayers and tears.   He has answered the prayers of a little girl.  And what does the name that I was given mean?

"God has answered me."

Introducing:

Eliana TingTing Martin!!