Saturday, July 20, 2013

Attachment issues...

I knew being gone this week would stir up attachment issues and it didn't fail to deliver.  Grace was rotten yesterday.  Just wild, disobedient, and downright annoying.  

At dinner I passed a comment to her that it seemed like she was trying to be disobedient in order to get me to go away to prove to something to herself.   After dinner we went have a pow-wow.  She started by telling me that what I said at dinner was right.  She said her heart felt like it was half and half.  She said (with adorable hand gestures), "This half loves you and this half wants to make you go away."  She said Satan was trying to get her to feel that I didn't love her.  She knew I loved her, but he was telling her I didn't.  I was so proud of her for putting her feelings into words and being able to talk about how to handle these feelings in the future, as it will happen again.  That she is in control of her feelings, that we have to go on what we know, not what we feel.  

Btw, this is a common adoption scenario (and NOT just international either!)...  Attachment is not an "is" or "isn't" issue--it is a sliding scale that is always adjusting and changing, which is why I try to have my radar up to watch for these issues and try to parent in view of attachment.  Often times these behaviors can fly just under the radar unless you know to look for it.  It would have been so easy to just chalk it up to hunger, being tired, any number of excuses.  

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