Friday, January 8, 2010

Sowing and reaping

I am in such a funk this morning.  I know it's permeating my family and I don't mean for it to. 

Lately I've felt like nothing was working out or moving forward in my life.  I want to sell the Sequoia and the Jeep (yes, my jeep... or what use to be my jeep 2 kids ago!) and purchase a 12 passenger van.  I want to sell this house and sort of downsize and move more into the country, small town.  My heart desires to adopt that special little girl who's paperwork isn't done yet.  I want to live in China.  

Yes, I notice there's an awful lot of I's and me's in there.  I realized I don't know if any or all of this is truly my husband's heart or if he's just saying it to appease me, he's that kind of sweetheart.  

This is what I emailed him-- "I guess my timeline is too short.  Sorry, feels like nothing is moving forward, like I'm stuck in a groundhog day.  Adoption, vehicles, house, China...  Not seeing any growth or movement in my life."  

Then I read my Proverbs31 devotion this morning... A Patient Parent.  Thought I'd share some of it that stood out to me.

"Don't be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God.  
You will always harvest what you plant." Galatians 6:7 (NLT)

*One of the most damaging choices a person can make is to give up too soon when faced with a failure.

*Paul used the analogy of planting to explain the principle of spiritual growth. He encouraged his readers to sow into the things of God, with the promise they would reap the things of God. In the life of a Christian we sow into God by how we think, speak, our actions, where we spend our money, and our time. These are investments in a God-honoring life, which reaps a harvest of blessing – but not in the same season. There is always a delay between sowing and reaping.

*What if you don't see results right away? That's normal. After a few days, the farmer doesn't get frustrated with slow growth and rip the seeds out of the ground. No. The farmer continues to water the soil, shoo the birds away, and pull the weeds. The farmer protects the seed until it has a chance to grow in its own time.

I know they were referring to raising a child, but so much of this can be applied to our lives, my life, in general.  I think I may have been right.  There isn't much outward movement right now.  I am in a season of sowing--sowing into my children (which has lacked with all these endeavours), sowing into my marriage and spending time with my dear husband seeing if our hearts are truly in tune and we have the same vision for our family, and most importantly--applying myself to intentionally drawing closer to God and building my relationship with Him and in doing so revealing His will for me, for our family, for our future.

This all goes hand and hand with what has stood out to me in my devotions--

*God does not open paths for us before we come to them...
*People who are God's without reservation "have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."  His will becomes their will, and they desire to do for Him whatever He desires them to do.
(From Streams in the Desert)

So while there may be no outward sign of growth, I know that God is growing me from the inside out.  Changing me, changing my heart.  For that, I praise God.  I know that there will be a season of due time.  I will not give up, I will press in closer to the One who loves me and who sees the big picture.  I will continue to prepare myself for the time when He does open His paths  to me.  I will continue to get to know Him so intensely that my heart reflects His.

God bless!


Amy Jo said...

Beautiful, Charlene. Thanks for baring your soul. Yes, DON'T give up!!! Your promised land is just on the other side of that river. And, the work God is doing in your heart is SO beautiful!!! Love you, Amy

Becky said...

Hi! My name is Becky Lee and someone sent me a link to your blog in hopes I could find some homeschooling help! I have 8 bio kids and we just brought home 4 siblings home from Ethiopia a little over a week ago! They are begging for academics and I do not know where to begin. I homeschool all of my children except for the older 3. We have been pretty eclectic, but have not found my groove in homschooling. We have had MAJOR life changes in our family each year for the past several years and I am ready to enter into our new normal and have some sense of control over our homeschool. I have looked at Charlotte Mason and love what I see, but it seems so teacher intensivve for such a large group of kids that I am respoonsible for. My adopted kids are at about a 6th grade math level and the all vary in reading levels. They read pretty well, but of course their comprehension is not nearly as good. The 13 year old girl reads pretty fluently and seems to comprehend well. The 11 year old boy does pretty well also. Teh 9 year old girl reads like a kindergartener and does not comprehend at all. The 5 year old girl is reading and spelling 3 letter words and knows the meainging of those words she spells. I know you do not have as many children as I do, but perhaps you can give me some assistance in planning our school life? We purchased a 50 acre farm this summer and are praying as to when we should/can build a house and make the move. Right now, we are just enjoying going out on the weekends and staying in the little house of 1200 square feet that is already out there when the weather is good. We live in a subdivision, so nature studies are not as easy out here. One we move, the sky will be the limit! Please visit my blog if you would like to get to know our family better! My e-mail address is I will look forward to hearing from you! I will say that my main focus for now is becoming united as a family, but the children are so use to academics. That is their comfort zone right now. Blessings to you!

Heather Thompson said...

Thank you so much for sharing all of this Charlene! I needed to read it today.