Do they ever stop?
I'll be honest, adopting Grace has been one of the most tiring things I've ever done. The phrase two steps forward, 3 steps back comes to mind. Thankfully it is mostly just one step back.
We new before adopting her that she would be a more challenging child... We heard how she would go with anyone and everyone, which sent up red flags in attachment. Three years later I can see what tremendous strides we've made. Praise God, her mama/baba shopping is drastically reduced! She comes up to me and apologizes on her own. She will lay on my lap an look up into my lap and my heart melts. And best of all, I get to hear the most wonderful words from my girlie, "I love you, mama!"
But the mind games continue. This morning she was playing with some of Shaoey's horse figures. When she didn't want to play with them anymore, she walked up to Shaoey and just threw the ones she didn't want down on the floor. I stopped, reminded her of the way we treat our belongings, and offered a redo (Redo's are BIG here thanks to Karyn Purvis and The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family
). No problem. She accepted them from me, went over and set them down except for the one she wanted to play with. All fine and dandy. Or was it? Then she dropped the one she was holding. I could just accept this as a drop, but I KNEW in my heart that it wasn't and needed to be addressed. These are the mind games I'm talking about. I'd love to just let it go, but it seems that children with attachment issues NEED you to deal with it. Not dealing with it is seen as a sign of weakness. I let her know that I knew she hadn't "dropped" it, no arguing from her side. You could see on her face that she knew she was busted. A few minutes later, she was carrying 2 plates and a fork and I heard a clatter. She piped up with "mama, it was an accident, I really didn't drop this one on purpose." Bingo, I knew I was right the first time! LOL
). No problem. She accepted them from me, went over and set them down except for the one she wanted to play with. All fine and dandy. Or was it? Then she dropped the one she was holding. I could just accept this as a drop, but I KNEW in my heart that it wasn't and needed to be addressed. These are the mind games I'm talking about. I'd love to just let it go, but it seems that children with attachment issues NEED you to deal with it. Not dealing with it is seen as a sign of weakness. I let her know that I knew she hadn't "dropped" it, no arguing from her side. You could see on her face that she knew she was busted. A few minutes later, she was carrying 2 plates and a fork and I heard a clatter. She piped up with "mama, it was an accident, I really didn't drop this one on purpose." Bingo, I knew I was right the first time! LOL
I know this doesn't sound like much, but it's just one example. There are many more. The constant vigilance is just tiring. Passive aggressive just doesn't go over well here....
Adoption friends, any other pointers?
Thought you'd enjoy a few cute precious pictures!
One of our morning rituals is that we feed the girls a sippy cup of coffee milk. It's such a great time of bonding. (Normally another child isn't allowed on our lap at the same time, it was just too great a photo op to pass up.)
