Sobering thoughts and ramblings...

I had an eye opening discussion with the boys this morning and it wasn't anything super spiritual on the surface and it wasn't about them...or was it?

It all started when Connor asked me what I collected when I was younger. It got me thinking about my childhood. I told him we didn't have the money or the room for collections. I don't have an abundance of memories from CT, but what I do have is a vision of scarcity. I don't recall needing anything, but there wasnt' extra. I don't recall my room having much in it, none of my rooms. I didn't have piles of toys and clothes and books. Books were my refuge, but even those came from the library. That got me thinking about the homes I've lived in with my family. What a sobering thought to realize that several of the "homes" could have fit in my kitchen. At some point in time, I have lived in a 17 ft. camper, a 25 ft. camper, a small duplex apartment, and a small old house. Even Troy and I's first apartment was only about 700 sq ft.

I looked around the home we are in now and was overcome with shame and nausea. The piles of books that just sit there, the unused rooms, the multitude of sofas and multiple tables, knicknacks that hold no meaning but are just there to take up space and collect dust... I can't take these things with me, why do I have them? A dear family just came back to the states after living in China for 20 years. I thought about their move and my initial thought was "wow! I can't imagine moving my stuff to another country!" Then it hit me, I wouldn't! How much of what I have would I bring with me if I were to move to China? (wishful thinking!) VERY LITTLE! I started thinking what would I bring--clothes? Some, but not all those "maybe I'll fit into them again boxes." Knicknacks? No. Furniture? Definitely not. Computer? Ok, that's a yes and pictures!

I felt this same distaste in my mouth when I went shopping yesterday. I never carry a purse, but thought maybe it would be a nice feminine change. My heart dropped to my stomach when I saw purses for $120. Why? Not because I wanted it and couldn't have it. Maybe because of the time in life when I would have thought nothing about it and bought it...maybe for those who still do, giving no thought to the big picture...maybe for the people who could be helped with that $120....the children who could be fed and clothed...the sick who could be healed with medication they can't afford...the families who would care for ophans if they had the money...the lost who could find a Saviour...

Where am I going with this? Praising God for His love and for not leaving me where I use to be, wrapped up in myself and my belongings. Praising Him for opening my heart to see others as He sees them. Begging Him to continue to work in my heart, to prune away those things that cause me to stumble, that stop me from living for Him and Him alone. Praying for fresh eyes and fresh filling of His spirit to see those in need and to be bold for Him.

So it seems it was pretty deep after all. And it was about them. It renewed my resolve to raise our children up with a fear and love of the Lord, with a heart and love for God's people. To always be asking God to use us as His hands and feet. To not let us get sucked into the world's views and values...